Sunday, February 9, 2014

What's In A Name?

Names are powerful.

There is no denying that. I spend time choosing the perfect name for every character I've ever written. If I have a name in mind - I look up the origin, the meaning and every possible way said name could be spelled until I find the right one.

I want to talk about name calling. For many, it's an instant turn off. Offensive. Distasteful.

I get it.

In my latest release, Talk Sexy, Michael (Ian) calls Peyton his 'submissive little slut.' The first time he says it her pulse reacts and she is embarrassed by her physical reaction. Later, as their relationship grows he continues to call her by that name on occasion. Does he not respect her? Does he think she is an actual slut?

No. He understands that for her the name calling evokes a reaction within her she's been trying to hide. He uses that knowledge to draw out more of who she is - to not be ashamed of what she needs. His words are designed to help her grow.

For me, it's all about the context. A perfect stranger calling me a name? Uh, no.

But someone I trust? Someone I am attracted to...a lover I know respects me as a woman and as his? That's different to me. Now there are certain words I never want to hear as a black woman, but he'd already know that and the respect, the trust we've already established from the beginning allows me to trust him to never utter anything that would make me uncomfortable.

That's understood. He understands. I understand and our understanding opens up the doorway for other words to be used. Not to demean me, unless that is what I want at the moment. Not to hurt me, but to excite me, to make me flip the switch from our interactions in public to what just happens between us.

Us. Him and I.

Words are used to make me catch my breath and make my heart beat faster. Within a circle of trust, love and understanding I can be his whore, his slut. I'm his, treasured, adored and respected, but for just a moment...

A fiery

erotic

moment...I let his hard words rain down over me like his cock inside of me and I bloom. I blossom, I grow because I KNOW who I am and I know HE knows too which makes this erotic play all the more sweeter...

And hot.

Names have only as much power as you give them.

Remember that and don't be ashamed if name calling turns you on.

~Nichelle Gregory


Talk Sexy is a five part serial. Part One is still a free download with Totally Bound!

Find Part Two and Three with Totally Bound here and on Amazon here!

Talk Sexy: Part Four will be available February 21st with Totally Bound!

13 comments:

  1. Using Verbal objectification can be used in 2 different ways either to titillation or humiliation. So it depends on what the sub needs .That would of been discussed when determining the soft and hard limits.

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  2. I agree with you Nichelle, As long as the names are for your pleasure and you are comfortable with them. Now just to be calling you names, I am not for that at all, That in my opinion is humiliating and downgrading. As long as the words "my" or "mine" are involved, then I think it can be highly erotic.

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  3. I can't honestly say that I've given much thought to what's in a name or name-calling but after reading this post, I agree with Nichelle. Very well said - and thought-provoking.

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  4. I love to be called the named. To me its such a turn on. It gets me going. It excites me. Makes me want more. Makes me want to please him more.

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  5. It takes understanding and trust when using names like those with a partner, otherwise the words can be construed as demeaning and damaging. Both parties have to know each other, and be aware of what is harmful. Great post Nichelle, as usual. I think your comment system ate my first comment from this morning :) lol.

    I find myself being drawn more to words like these...sighs. if only...

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  6. Well put. Language can be a powerful aphrodisiac and an intensifier to enhance the sexual experience. The spoken and written word are not mutually exclusive in the context of human sexuality. I argue, language is ESSENTIAL to a robust, substantive sexual relationship.

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  7. Debi, I agree it depends on individual needs which should always be discussed and agreed upon before any words are uttered!

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  8. Lady J, for pleasure's sake always! - at least for me! I think adding the possessive touch adds to the eroticism as well!

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  9. Alisa, I'm glad I presented you with a thought provoking topic today!

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  10. Net Stockings, ummm mmm - me too!

    ER, I agree there must be trust and a knowledge of your lover's needs!

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  11. KB, loved your response! I totally agree spoken and written words are not mutually exclusive in the context of human sexuality. They are indeed ESSENTIAL!

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  12. In the Dominance and submission dynamic (assuming all parties agree) this is almost typical. Even though I hate using the word "typical" when we're talking kink. As a writer, I'm either going to spend time explaining the lifestyle to prime my reader or I'm going to dive in to the story and maybe help the reader look at something differently by the time they're done reading. If, as the example states here, I've used it a few times throughout the story, have I explained her reaction? Have the two characters talked about it? If it's new to the character, I would have the reader learn along with the character what it means in the context of the relationship and the story.

    I think what I'm trying to get at is this - what's the aim of the use of the phrase AND the story? If I'm in a deep, dark BDSM kinky, erotic story, I'm going to roll with it and give the context in terms of how the character reacts to it. If I'm in more of an explanatory role or teaching role for my characters and/or the audience, I'm going to give more context.

    Either way, if the use of a phrase like that fits in with the characters sexual dynamic and personalities, then it's up to us as the author to bring our readers along on the journey to learn more about that - even if it's not something they themselves would want to be called.

    Ok, I feel like I've rambled a bit. But that particular phrase resonates with me personally and professionally - in a very positive way.

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  13. Kayla,

    Thank you for your thoughtful response! Nothing is 'typical' when talking about kink for sure. I do believe I've shared the motivation behind my hero using the phrase and how it affects my heroine. With all of my books, I want to take my readers on an erotic journey. I also want my readers to understand and hopefully enjoy the kinkier elements of my work even if it's not their cuppa tea. :-)

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